How Emotionally Connected People are Healthier People

The only emotions to fear are the ones we deny, repress, numb avoid and ignore. 

As many of you that read my blogs and follow my message know, a large part of the foundation in which I have made the most progress in my own personal healing work,is through the process of mastering my emotional awareness.

Just like we exercise and eat right to support our physical body, we also must attend to our emotional health to truly flourish in life, on all levels.

One of the fastest ways to clear a room is to start asking people to express their emotions and feelings! It's so true. We are an emotion-phobic society afraid to feel what we are really feeling! We feel shame because we are depressed, and embarrassed because we are scared, and terrified to look deep within, underneath the happy face mask (the ego) that tries to show the world that everything is all roses.

But truly, what needs to be feared more, is the emotions that we repress, deny, ignore, numb, and medicate. You see our emotions are our inner-guidance system, they help us to see when something 'feels' off or not quite right, or even very wrong depending on our emotional response.

We must embrace emotion in all of it's forms. The positive and negative, the dark and the light.
Denial of our emotion feeds the dark. As Brene Brown states "you can not selectively numb emotion, when you numb the dark, you also numb the light.

Our emotions are feedback to what we are telling ourselves about a certain situation. What we believe and think leads to how we feel. I won't go into the dry old Cognitive Behavioral Therapy model that I learned in school known as CBT. But this is basically what CBT is, and many counsellors use it for people who are depressed. An understanding that our beliefs have a lot to do with our feelings, and our experience of life is life changing!

Beliefs ==> Thoughts ==> Emotion (feelings) ==Action (what you do with the emotion)

Our emotions are our life force, and they are energy, and energy needs to move!

Emotion is Energy-in-Motion

If we stifle, repress, avoid, numb, distract and feed our emotions, we will suffer mentally and physically as our emotions try to express themselves through physical symptoms, or other addictive behaviors such as alcoholism, shopping, spending, working, sex, food, keeping busy, electronic screens - really the ways addictions can manifest are endless.

An addiction serves a purpose though and the purpose it to help us cope with PAIN. To keep us from feeling what is actually present. Who really wants to look at their failing marriage, mounting credit card debt, family issues, work stress, and so on?
Not many will turn toward what is causing their suffering. But those that understand the their physical and mental health is largely determined by their emotional health-are better able to navigate through, and feel happier, lighter, freer, more peaceful and at ease in their life. Their health issues disappear, depression and anxiety dissolves, they easily reach their ideal body-weight, their relationships deepen, and become more authentic.

The ways that life changes for the better when you embrace your emotions (all of them) is powerful, and is some of the most important work you will do toward improving your health, mood , relationships and overall well-being.

So, how does an emotionally healthy person deal with their emotions?

• They feel them and allow them to surface, have a cry if they need to, and are better able to move on 
• They are acutely aware that their physical body speaks to them through their emotional energy. And that repressing emotion blocks flow, and eventually creates illness in the mind and body
• They allow themselves time to sit with their discomfort and get curious about what they are feeling and what they are upset about
• They are connected intimately with their emotional energy body. They know when they are 'activated' by a past wound, feel it in their body, and are able to go inside themselves to discover what was really going on, and identify where in their body they feel the emotion
• They know that how they feel is their responsibility -and can address how they feel from a healthy and empowered way
• They are able to tell someone how they really feel, in a non-threatening way - no matter how uncomfortable it may be
• They are able to respond rather than react to situations that upset them
• They don't shy away from conflict, but see it as a way to grow - when it is done in a healthy way
• They know that anger is a secondary emotion--and they are not afraid to get curious about what is beneath the anger, knowing it is likely linked to feeling hurt, fear, and rejection.
• They sit with themselves daily to check in with how they are feeling

If you would like to become more aware of your emotions, here is a simple self-awareness exercise to get you started:

30 days to Building Self Awareness Practice: 

For the next 30 days, commit to building your emotional mindfulness, awareness and resiliency. 

1) Check in: Throughout the day take a moment to check in with yourself and notice what you are feeling. When something triggers an intense response within you, your partner says something in "that way" your kids aren't listening, someone disrespects you or is rude to you, learn to take a deep breath in that moment. Get curious. Notice the turmoil churning inside. Where in your body are you feeling this? Do you have an urge to lash out in anger? Just bring awareness to what is coming up within you, underneath the anger, frustration and irritation.

2) Leave the situation: (If you are able to) Go somewhere and allow how you are feeling to move through, ask yourself "what is this about?  BREATHE. (It takes huge amounts of courage to allow ourselves to feel uncomfortable emotion! It is such easier to run away and take it out on someone else. But emotionally healthy people know that is not the answer they are seeking.)

Tip: we are never upset for the reason we think.

3) Ask yourself "where in my past have I felt this emotion?" you will almost always get an answer or a memory that may surprise you. But it is when we are able to connect that, when my partner complains about the messy house, it reminds me of my Dad who used to scream at me for leaving any mess around the house. So, in the end it's not really the issue of the complaint, but what wound it triggers within me. Make sense?

4) Begin to notice what you are doing with your emotions. What behaviors do you fall into when you are hurting of feeling uncomfortable? Do you reach for food, alcohol, or head to the mall? Do you contract and close down? Lash out in anger? No self-judgement allowed! Just become aware.

I also recommend that you purchase a journal which will be used specifically for your Emotional Awareness process. Record these AHA! moments and insights over the next 30 days. You will be amazed with what you uncover. We are emotional beings, when we deny this part of ourselves, we are not whole. Embrace it all.

If you would like more clarity on this practice, feel free to drop me an email with any questions!

Yours in emotional wellness,

Leanne Oaten

Registered Holistic Counsellor , R.P.C

info@leanneoaten.com